Disobey
Home Walk/Journey The 'Me' Cave The Grove Snap A Circle Wiccan Rede Experiences Music Mental Quiet Missing Bits

 

This is from October 6, 2003.  Joe assigned us a particular Journey to the Lowerworld, and I went to do it.  Only, I hadn't been to Journeyspace in quite some time, and well... I had been being nagged for quite some time about that.  Still, it was homework, so I did it.  Here's what happened:


Original homework response:

I sat for a bit contemplating the trip, wondering what would happen, then realized this was counterproductive. I cleared my mind, relaxed, and went in. I came out where I expected to, on the path between the two zones. I went towards the cave, and noticed the pond beside the cave entrance, where Dolphin and I play. I dove into the water, thinking this must be where I was supposed to go, but after offering to play and determining my purpose here, Dolphin nudged me back to shore, told me to enter the cave.

I entered the cave, and after traveling through the tunnel found myself in my "me" cave. Surprisingly enough, everything in there was fairly settled and still. I didn't spend much time there, simply getting my bearings and trying to decide where to go - through to the other side? To one of the other sides? Willow called me from the center and told me to go down her roots. I melded into her and flowed down her roots, which dropped me off in another cave below, much like the one above except it looked like the other half of the tunnel which my "Me" cave interrupted, except below it. I proceeded through the tunnel, and came to the other side.

To my left a little ways off was a large forest... Foreverwood or Forevertrees came to mind (followed by an impression of the Forevergreen from Elfquest). Immediately nearby was a grassy field, to my right was a pond. The trees met the pond somewhere beyond me, forming something... not quite triangular, but not quite a semicircle either.

Grazing in the grass was a deer. A butterfly (looking like the one I discussed in my journal) was flitting about. The deer looked up at me and said "It's about time." There was some discussion at what I was "supposed" to be doing, and of course the deer did not accept my excuse that I haven't been able to get to the woods much lately. I told him that this was not my purpose here, and after two times the discussion ended and the deer accompanied me about the area.

I went first toward the pond. It looked just like the one that was by my cave. I looked up, expecting to see the cave on the other side, or a waterfall, but there was nothing there. So much for that theory. I then went across the plain toward the woods. Horse came to me and invited me for a run. I told him that was not my purpose here, and he followed me as well. The butterfly incidentally was sitting on the deer's tines as they walked with me.

I went into the woods, and all I can say is that you could feel the forest through your skin. I sat on the ground for a few moments, with my back to a tree, who told me he was a Beech.

At this point I got to thinking that Joseph had said to just look out the exit and not go anywhere. I do not know where I got that impression from. I also got to thinking that the place was a bit dense with spirits for me - I couldn't so much as lean on a tree without it talking to me! - and I was disconcerted, so I decided it was time to go back. Deer and Horse (and Butterfly) accompanied me back to the cave entrance (I fairly flew back). I went back through the tunnel, up Willow's roots into my cave. Then I went back out the cave, came back to "solidspace," turned on the light, opened a text document and began typing.


Journal notes later in the evening:

I don't know what that was.

I came out of the Journey 1 and couldn't get back here, fully. I was being called back by My Rather Upset Lord. When I realized I wasn't getting out of it, I went back to see what He wanted - I couldn't contact Him directly like I usually can. I was very frightened.

The thing about me in Journeyspace is that I don't think in words. I think primarily in feelings, and that's how I get a lot of communication. It's up to me to sort it out back to words. When I got there, and that took a bit because of my own trepidation, I was hit with a bit of anger.

My Lord was very upset that I didn't stop with the Deer. He was very very upset. He demanded to know what I thought I was doing. I told Him what we were doing (like He didn't know) and He wasn't happy with that. He said I was welcome to do these things, but I'd bloody well better not ignore Him or His again. He said there were reasons I was not to do this stuff alone. He said I was never alone, that I belonged to Him, and I'd better not forget it. And He... reminded me of this. But it wasn't in a bad scary evil way... I don't know how to explain it. One minute I was hurting, and the next I was cradled. Into, through, and then around me, cycling... I don't know how else to describe it.

So once we got that sorted out, we went riding, out through the grove and into the woods. I don't remember what He said then, just an impression of... not quite instruction. He told me the Hunt had been called, and I was to ride.

And I was riding Horse, and we caught sight of ye classic milk white hart with ivy in its tines, except it was brown and normal as well. I had a bow and arrow with me, and I chased and shot the deer through the throat. The deer went down, and I skinned it and ate of its heart. The deer started to fade away on the ground, and I found its skin wrapped around my own body, and I was the deer being chased, killed, and eaten. And then I was the hunter. And it whirled on and on, faster and faster, and I knew I could never break free. And I came to terms with that.

And then wham, I'm back in myself. I've got three very concerned cats meowing at me. I'm not sure how I feel. Calm. And yet not. Sick to my stomach, and yet not.

I'm not sure I follow what the purpose of that last bit was. I don't think I ought to analyze it just yet though.


And the next day:

I'm pretty sure it wasn't an imposter. He was unavailable while it was going on, then back into availability when it was over. It *felt* like Him, in spades. Once I got the inevitable over with, I was fine again. Further, Horse was going along with Him, which I doubt he would do for an imposter, and Horse didn't feel like an imposter either. Generally when I show up there, at least one of my elementals meets me there in some way, and that time it was Horse - again, if Horse was an imposter, where was the elemental? Getting to the idea that the elemental was abducted or something is getting into the realm of the ridiculous, that there would be two imposters so impeccably imitating their roles violates Occam's razor, and that the imposter of Him didn't take advantage in some material way removes a motive, unless this was a setup. Which He or Puma (family totem) would have alarm bells ringing about, and they're not.

I came out of it fairly at peace, if bewildered. [details withheld, suffice it to say something which had been physically very painful was not anymore after this] My husband came home from work late, and we sat up and talked about religion until 2 AM. I expected to be totally wiped this morning, which would be really bad given that I had meetings from 9-2:30 with a break for lunch. Instead I was awake, alert, and able to even work late, which would have been unthinkable just yesterday. [I've been down with Chicken Pox or something like it for the last 2 weeks or so] Point is, this has the earmarks of a "real" event.

The two things that He emphasized were that He didn't want me wandering around outside my Cave and Grove alone, and that if He sends a messenger to me when I get to Journeyspace, I am not to blow them off, regardless of my mission there. I am to change my plans. He has absolutely no problem with me doing the exercises, and encourages them even, but He comes first, and He's not going to knock me off-course frivolously.

One thing that might be relevant is that I haven't done any serious journey-work in quite some time; usually I'm just checking on my Me room or visiting with my elementals when I go. So part of this could be in relation to that. I've always been extremely apprehensive about going outside my little "realm" there, which may be connected as well - perhaps my apprehension is the problem, and what it could draw is why He doesn't want me going off alone. I can't imagine why else it would be.

Then there's the second bit, and I still have no clue what *that* was, other than partaking in the mystery of the Hunt. I'm still puzzling over that one, though it probably should be noted that my elementals killed and ate me once years ago, and I hadn't had a similar experience with Deer yet - since My Lord showed up, so that might be part of it.

Otherwise, I don't know.

-Jaelle, from Oct 6-7 2003, posted 10/19/04

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